[he did it... he broke his biggest cardinal rule--the vow of silence that went so deep that he'd tried to carve the possibility of breaking it out of his own body.
But what did it really matter anymore, right? He'd already failed in worse ways.
So, with that defeat, it all starts to just fall out of his head and into Robin's. It starts with 'I can't--' but quickly devolves and overflows into a tangle of thoughts and crashes of feelings. Like he's so unused to speech that he can't keep things arranged into words even in his own head.
The biggest thing, the thing that swallows up everything else, squashing the breath out of it, is the finality of it all. And he doesn't know how to explain that, so his mind just spins with the attempt. He's only good for one thing--and here are little bitter offshoots twisting up in thoughts of death and horror and worthlessness--but he failed at it. He's failed over and over again, but this was the last one, the worst one. She'll hate him.
She'll hate him more than she already does, because he's used up any good he can possibly be--but no. He knows he's not going back, anyway. He'll be stuck here forever, forced to face his failure and a whole lot of nothing, because none of it is worth anything at all. None of it. What is he supposed to try for, when there is nothing...]
no subject
But what did it really matter anymore, right? He'd already failed in worse ways.
So, with that defeat, it all starts to just fall out of his head and into Robin's. It starts with 'I can't--' but quickly devolves and overflows into a tangle of thoughts and crashes of feelings. Like he's so unused to speech that he can't keep things arranged into words even in his own head.
The biggest thing, the thing that swallows up everything else, squashing the breath out of it, is the finality of it all. And he doesn't know how to explain that, so his mind just spins with the attempt. He's only good for one thing--and here are little bitter offshoots twisting up in thoughts of death and horror and worthlessness--but he failed at it. He's failed over and over again, but this was the last one, the worst one. She'll hate him.
She'll hate him more than she already does, because he's used up any good he can possibly be--but no. He knows he's not going back, anyway. He'll be stuck here forever, forced to face his failure and a whole lot of nothing, because none of it is worth anything at all. None of it. What is he supposed to try for, when there is nothing...]